I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
