I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
