i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
