so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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