How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
