so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
