wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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