You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
