He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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