the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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