The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
