I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
