Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
