i love accidental penises.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
