My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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