I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
