its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
