I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
