no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
