My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
