his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
