i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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