Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
