I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize