now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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