So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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