i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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