K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
