It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
