I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
