she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
