SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His nipple licking is glorious
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