No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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