she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
