I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
