just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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