When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize