i barfeds in our rink
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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