I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
