well you can't waste a boner
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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