Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
