How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
