Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
