I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
