It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
