Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
