Please, let me fuck your mom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
