sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
