I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Say something about gay babies.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
