Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
