I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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