That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
worst night to have a conscience
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
