i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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