I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
