You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
