Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I pour the whiskey from now on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
