Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
