WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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