none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
