my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
