Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
