Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
