that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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