So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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