I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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