I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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