Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
