i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
