Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize