Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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