you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
