I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize