Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
