I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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