If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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