He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
